I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
