Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
