okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
