I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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