You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
