Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
