No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
