We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
