last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize