i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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