she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
