It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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