dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
