Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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