There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
