you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
