I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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