I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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