Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
