We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
