He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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