What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
