why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
