You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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