I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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