and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
