I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
