i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize