The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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