so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
