Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
