She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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