Redeem this text for a blowjob
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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