it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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