Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Someone signed my nipple.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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