her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
