Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
