im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
