Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
