My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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