He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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