He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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