dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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