you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
