peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Two words: nipple clamps
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