Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I forget how to act sober
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