I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
