Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize