I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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