There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
