there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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