My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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