I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
