Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize