would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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