imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
