Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
