I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize