whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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