He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
