Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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