Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize