Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
