And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
