how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
