take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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