i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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