how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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