If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
