the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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